Half Man Half Biscuit

I know I said that I would cycle in
But you can park for free behind the Holiday Inn
And anyway I better not be late
My mate reckons they start at half-past eight…

JD Meatyard shouted northern songs
Excitement building in the merry throng
Lights go down and on stage walks this guy
On seeing who it was I gave a cry:
“Fuckin’ ‘ell, it’s Nige Blackwell!”

He sings of trains, of shopping, maps and birds
With cartographic references absurd
I have loved his nonsense for some thrity years
And seeing him is music to my ears
“Fuckin’ ‘ell, it’s Nige Blackwell!”

All the people here know all the words
One of the finest lyricists I’ve ever heard
It’s hilarious the things that he can rhyme
Ornithology, cake shops and petty crime

Half biscuit!
Half biscuit!


The Light At The End Of The Tunnel Is The Light Of An Oncoming Train
Fuckin’ ‘ell, it’s Fred Titmus
San Antonio Foam Party
Old Age Killed My Teenage Bride
Bob Wilson, Anchorman
When The Evening Sun Goes Down
Stuck Up A Hornbeam
Bad Review
Turned Up, Clocked On, Laid Off
For What Is Chatteris…?
Shit Arm Bad Tattoo
I’ve Been Tending The Wrong Grave For 23 Years
The Bane Of Constance
Paintball’s Coming Home
Fix It So She Dreams Of Me
National Shite Day
Look Dad No Tunes
Joy Division Oven Gloves
All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit
Vatican Broadside
We Built This Village On ATrad Arr Tune
Time Flies By When You’re The Driver Of A Train
Everything’s AOR
You Can’t Wrap Your Arms Around A Memory (Johnny Thunders cover)
An Outbreak Of Vitas Gerulaitis
The Trumpton Riots

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